Mirror, Mirror on the Wall…

In any life situation when there is an upset or conflict it is usually directly connected to a blame frame of mind. Blame is responsible for shifting all responsibility to something or someone else. It is an action and intention that is self-serving and allows the party or situation outside of yourself to bear the burden of the blame. Blame is to find fault with, to hold responsible, and it is an expression of disapproval or reproach. This shift is convenient it is far “easier” to blame someone else external for the troubles that exist in life. Blame is a barrier to learning and is a process that discredits or tears down another. Blame and fear go together.

 

Blame robs us of our personal power and our ability to take charge of our life circumstances. It is the direct door way to the victim mentality. The victim mentality is an acquired personality trait in which a person tends to recognize themselves as a victim of the negative actions of others, and to behave as if this where the case in the face of contrary evidence of such circumstances. The saying is true “bad things sometimes happen to good people”, however, the difference is how we cognitively choose to interpret and react to our given circumstance. We can soar above and use the circumstance as a great life lesson or be dragged downward in a detrimental lens of victimism.

“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble,
you wouldn’t sit for a month.” – Theodore Roosevelt

 

The road to abandoning the blame frame is by practicing accountability. Accountability is the obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one’s actions. Accountability is understanding, acceptance and forgiveness.

“Without personal accountability we cannot grow nor can we ever improve ourselves.” – unknown

How do we shift from blame to accountability? It starts within our own minds. It begins with setting a mental boundary, to honor the hurt or disruption, and allow the accountability discovery conversation to explore the truth. It is truly the only place where inner peace is found.

Here is a list of great points to consider, from article Moving from Blame to Accountability by Marilyn Paul, as the work begins with the accountability frame discovery.

  1. Remember that others are acting rationally from their own perspective.
  2. Realize that you probably have a role in the situation.
  3. Remind yourself that judgement and criticism make it difficult to see clearly.
  4. Use a system thinking perspective to explore the pressures of the players involved.
  5. Be willing to be held accountable.
  6. Work constructively with your anger.

To read more from Moving from Blame to Accountability click here https://thesystemsthinker.com/moving-from-blame-to-accountability/

At the time of life’s disruption, it seductively appears to be easier to deflect the blame on to someone or something else for your troubles; but in the end we only need to go as far as look into the mirror to know where the work needs to begin. A new practice we get to choose to work on every day! I know I do!

 

 

 

 

Sources

Blame https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/blame

Victim Mentality https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Victim_mentality

Accountability https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/accountability

Moving from Blame to Accountability https://thesystemsthinker.com/moving-from-blame-to-accountability/

 

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